Tag: acceptance

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Control Is An Illusion

themuglytruth
Today’s episode “Control Is An Illusion” is on iTunes/Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Overcast, Libsyn, Pocket Cast, Stitcher, iHeartRadio, or anywhere you listen to podcasts.

Hello 2020! SO much to…uh…unpack in today’s episode! Yes. Yes, we just said “unpack.” But it’s kind of true. We are bringing 2020 in like spiritual giants today! None of this namby pamby “I want to lose 10 pounds” or “I’m going to quit yelling at people in traffic!” resolution nonsense to start off the new year and new decade. (For the record, Kris already tried the second one and it’s just NOT happening folks. As for the first…we’re both working on it.) Nope. We get straight into beastmode as we go over two very deep topics: Letting Go and Signs of Maturity.

Tee hee. Don’t mind us. We’re just over here on top of the mountain, sitting cross-legged and sh*t talking to butterflies with our minds. Just kidding. We’re probably sitting at our desks drinking coffee cussing someone out under our breath and immediately feeling guilty for it. Because not mature, for sure.

Moving on.

Today’s episode is inspired by an amazing 12-step program called Al-Anon. If you aren’t aware of what Al-Anon is, it’s an offshoot from the 12-step program Alcoholics Anonymous. It was co-founded by Lois Wilson, wife of Bill Wilson who co-founded AA. As the wife of an alcoholic, Lois needed her own support group, and thus was formed Al-Anon…a group where family and friends affected by loved one’s drinking (or drugging, or any addictive self-destructive behavior, frankly) can find fellowship, guidance, serenity, and sanity.

Two readings we reference today are “Letting Go” (just google “letting go checklist Al-Anon” and you’ll see images pop up…mostly in Pinterest), and “A Checklist for Evaluating Our Maturity” (same, except, here’s a link to a blog which has it written out). There are some real gems in helping us realize just how much the idea of control is an illusion, actually, and that true serenity comes from “going with the flow.” As for that maturity thing…tsk…sigh…ugh…well, as much as Kris thinks she’s got a long way to go, it’s safe to say we’re both actually doing ok in the adulting department. Some would argue otherwise. Those some can kiss our butts. NYAHpffffffffffffffttt!

They’re GOALS….we never said we accomplished them all. TSK.

Now before we get into the fact checking and the links to topics we mentioned in the episode today, it’s very important for us to take a moment to get a bit serious and encourage anyone who has a friend or family member in the throes of alcoholism and/or addiction of any kind to contact Al-Anon as a starting point to help YOU get YOUR life back into the land of the living. It’s a scary thing, watching friends or family suffer from addiction, but on the sideline you don’t realize you, too, are suffering from the effects of the disease. If you need help to cope, you can start here. Give it a go…there is hope.

Alright. Now let’s get down to correcting ourselves. Six minutes into the episode and there’s already SO MUCH to fix. Sigh.

  • Is it realllllllly a new decade? If you’re like Kris’ dad, Kym’s former co-worker, and this article, you’ll be on the “NOPE WE AIN’T” side. If you’re like us, you DGAF. BUHbye moving on, there’s more important things to worry about, like Australia (pray for more rain. Right now. If you’re reading right now, stop and just read this out loud: “Dear God please rain water down on Australia”. Don’t care if you don’t believe in God. You can be an atheist. Just do it this one time…don’t even need to say the “G” word, just say, “HEY YOU UP THERE RAIN ON AUSTRALIA.” Thanks. And thanks skydaddy!)
  • Ok. Geography lesson. The mountains we refer to as Saddleback Mountains are actually the Santa Ana Mountains; the mountains we refer to as “north of us where Mt. Baldy and Big Bear are”….well, Mt. Baldy (also known as Mt. San Antonio) is in the San Gabriel Mountains which were spectacularly covered (and still are) in snow last week. Big Bear, however, is in the San Bernardino Mountains. We’ve lived here all our lives and yet we still can only dopity-dope over the purty snow on the hills off yonder without knowing what the heck we’re actually looking at. Whatever. Now we ALL know. Class dismissed.
  • Mr. Geography: Excuse me, Kris, please hang back a mo. Kris: But Mr. Geography, the rest of the class is leav… Mr. Geography: Mt. Whitney is in Sequoia National Park which is nowhere near where you live. No. Where. Near. Hundreds of miles away. Still in California, yes. But you can’t see it. Because…Far. Away. Not. Near. You. Kris dismissed.
  • CFL…ohKriskriskriskris. You talk so much. So fast. You make so many mistakes. #eyeroll. It’s CSF. Cerebrospinal Fluid. Sniff.
  • Morf = Mike Morford, whom we interviewed last season, is producer of Scene of the Crime podcast, cohost on Criminology and Three Men and a Mystery podcasts, and host of The Murder in My Family podcast. Thank you Morf for your shoutout on Twitter. We’re still gobsmacked you listen to our show.
  • Naptime Nancy: Another kickass podcaster whose episodes can be and should be listened to immediately. Go here to do so.
  • Morning news items. Time to change the lock screen settings on the ol’ iPad to something more relaxing. Not like this creepy crap: We killed an Iraqi General and have maybe started WWIII; why you shouldn’t ever write “20” for the year 2020 on checks and documents (always write 2020); and those nutty mysterious drones over Colorado.
  • Anjelah Johnson. Kym was mostly right. It’s Anjelah NICOLE Johnson. OHMYGAWD if you don’t know the nail salon sketch, you need to edumacate yourself now.
Photo by Evie Shaffer on Pexels.com

And with that, we’ll say, “welcome 2020, you’re doing your best to test us mere mortals first week in, but guess what. You’re not in control. We choose zen.” And coffee. We always choose coffee. Clink!

Thank you for joining us. Check out The Mugly Truth Podcast’s episode “Control Is An Illusion” on  iTunes/Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Overcast, Libsyn, Pocket Cast, Stitcher, iHeartRadio, or anywhere you listen to podcasts. Then all you need to do is 1) subscribe 2) download and 3) listen! AND!!! 4) If you enjoy what you hear, please leave a rating and a review (pretty please?). The more subscribers and reviews we get, the more opportunities we get to grow this podcast and bring you richer content.

And don’t forget to follow us here at themuglytruth.com (click that blue WordPress Follow button on the right side of your screen) so you get notifications every time we post an episode blog! You can also follow The Mugly Truth on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook.

© The Mugly Truth 2020 and © The Mugly Truth Podcast 2020. All rights reserved.
Intro and outro music, “Clever as a Fox”  by Espresso Music through premiumbeats.com.
Featured Photo of Illusion Face in Mirror by Ismael Sanchez on Pexels.com

Episodes

The Expectation Trap

themuglytruth
Today’s “The Expectation Trap” episode is on  iTunes/Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Overcast, Libsyn, Pocket Cast, Stitcher or anywhere you listen to podcasts.

In what is probably the loudest episode we’ve ever recorded (yes even more than the construction going on below Kris’ apartment), today we have kind of an inception-style show going on. While we were talking about how having expectations can be realistic or unrealistic, with either negative or positive outcomes depending on one’s perspective, there was a gardener doing his job on the property next door, using a leaf-blower as he got closer and closer to us. Literally, as we discuss how important it is to roll with the punches, Kris was losing her ever-loving mind in pure frustration while the constant whine of his equipment neared. Based on previous recordings in the same spot the expectation was that there would be nice ambient noises in the background…birds chirping, dogs barking, an occasional car or airplane. Boy did we have our “walk the talk” tested!! In the end, in post production the noise level was brought way down and the content of the episode was saved.

All in all some good points were made along the way. The biggest takeaway from this week’s epidode:

  • “Expectations are premeditated resentments.” Oooh. That’s a tough one to digest! But it’s so true!
  • It’s inhumane to expect another human being to fulfill you. Another person can enhance your happiness, but if you’re not happy with yourself, that other person isn’t going to do it for you.
  • Hope and expectation have a bit of a crowbar difference between the two, in our humble opinion. Hope seems to have a bit of a readiness to accept an outcome either way. Expectations seem more concrete. Which can leave room for disappointment.
  • Basing our happiness on the outcome of an expectation is a tricky game to play. Realistic expectations are good – they are based on past experiences that help us believe Doing A = B (like turning on a lightswitch illuminates a room or having that morning cup of coffee brings a sense of ahhhhhhhhhhhhh).
  • On the other hand, unrealistic expectations are based more in magical thinking, and can be quite damaging. Unreasonable expectations can cause low morale, low self-esteem, and damage relationships. Hey, we’re not citing any specific statement, article, or doctoral paper…we’re talking from personal experience! Trust us.
  • If you spend time worrying about something, you’re putting yourself through it TWICE. HullOOOO.
  • If someone says no, it’s because the request made of them does not fulfill their needs and wants at that time – it has nothing to do with the requestor, i.e., don’t take it personally.
  • Humans are…human. Flawed. We need to give ourselves a break, chill out…forgive ourselves and others when the occasional “failure to comply” occurs. Because it will.
  • And, in the words of our wonderful Kym, just because someone doesn’t text you back right away doesn’t mean they’re ignoring you…it could just mean they’re pooping. Or, you know, doing other things. Hey, she said it.
Photo by Bekka Mongeau on Pexels.com

Overcoming negative thoughts with positive thinking is vital in maintaining a good, daily mindset. Positive thoughts coupled with action can have powerful results.

Next time someone or some situation doesn’t live up to your expectations, take a moment to reflect…step away – mentally – and try to take in the whole picture. Is it worth yelling, getting angry, frustrated, sad, or resentful? Is it something you can accept and move on from? Learn from? Self reflection and acceptance doesn’t make anyone a doormat. It helps us grow. It helps guide us in making decisions about the people or situation that we are coping with. It also helps prevent knee-jerk reactions that could make the outcome worse.

The Psychology Today article, The Psychology of Expectations by John A. Johnson, PhD., is located here.

Check out our “The Expectation Trap” episode on  iTunes/Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Overcast, Libsyn, Pocket Cast, Stitcher or anywhere you listen to podcasts. Then all you need to do is 1) subscribe 2) download and 3) listen! AND!!! 4) If you enjoy what you hear, please leave a rating and a review (pretty please?). The more subscribers and reviews we get, the more opportunities we get to grow this podcast and bring you richer content.

And don’t forget to follow us here at themuglytruth.com (click that blue WordPress Follow button on the right side of your screen) so you get notifications every time we post an episode blog! You can also follow The Mugly Truth on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook.

© The Mugly Truth 2019 and © The Mugly Truth Podcast 2019. All rights reserved.
Intro and outro music, “Clever as a Fox”  by Espresso Music through premiumbeats.com.
Thought bubble photo courtesy of Pixabay on Pexels.com, Thinker photo courtesy of Akshar Dave on Pexels.com, Free WordPress Photo Library.

Episodes

Mugly MayAhem

themuglytruth
Today’s “Mugly MayAhem!” episode is on  iTunes/Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Overcast, Libsyn, Pocket Cast, Stitcher or anywhere you listen to podcasts.

Have you ever had a day where, on the whole it is quite wonderful, but just under the surface everything seems just a tad…off? The juxtaposition of great weather, being outdoors in the fresh air with family and friends, eating great food and having no pressures or stress weighing you down but mixed with just a hint of, “mhmmm that’s weird”? Yeah, that was Saturday.

Meet Mooch the Mugly Truth Mascot! Photo courtesy Kristen Core. All rights reserved.

May has been such a busy month (only a couple weeks in, but it seems like a full one already), we decided to do a catch-up episode. Kris went to Canada on business, The Mugly Truth has a new mascot (Kym’s new Mini Australian Shepherd named MOOCH!), Kris’ oldest is driving, her youngest made cheer squad going into high school, we’ve been bingeing amazing new podcasts, documentaries, audiobooks, and t.v. shows….SO MUCH to talk about!!

Our lovely view while we record. Seriously wonderful. Photo courtesy Kristen Core. All rights reserved.

So we settled down under a lovely oak tree, chattered gleefully about all the things – completely topic-less – wrapped the episode, and started packing up the equipment only to discover the recording was useless. USE. LESS. #SIGH. Our producer/audio technician (ummmmm, KRIS) failed to notice the mics weren’t running to the recording software, blah, blah, blah (really, no need to go into details). Let’s just say it was an inauspicious start to what would become a kind of bizarre day.

Ah well, shite happens, eh? We shrugged it off as exactly that, made plans to regroup in three hours and went separate ways for nourishment. Oh the things that can happen in three hours. You can hear Kris recount channeling her best foul-mouthed New Yorker spirit outside the local Hobby Lobby upon discovering two very large (seriously, at least 6′ 5″) dudes being vurrrrrry interested in the contents of her car. For whatever reason, her 5′ 1″ self with 10′ tall East Side attitude (aided by 16 oz of Vietnamese coffee) managed to shoo them away without incident. On second thought, that probably doesn’t sound so weird depending on where you might live, but at the time it was not something one expects to have to cope with whilst leaving the secondary house of the Lord with a bag full of craft paints and resin decorative items scored at 50% off.

Perhaps the oddest event of the entire day was the first stop for Kris and the kids getting lunch…parking in an everyday parking lot of a typical busy strip mall in a (fairly) quiet, (fairly) mundane little suburb town in Southern California…basically a spot one doesn’t usually come across evil symbols of hate, yet there it was. A swastika, written in what looked to be red lipstick on the hood of a pretty, white new(ish) car. Just sitting there. A Nazi f**king swastika. Initial reaction? Photo posted to Facebook with a rant about #noH8.

Do you know the difference between a hate-filled swastika and a swastik that means this car runs well? Kris didn’t. At first. Photo courtesy Kristen Core. All rights reserved.

That’s when a friend posted in the kindest way stating while it might LOOK like the wretched Nazi emblem, the way it was written didn’t match how the Nazis used the swastika (tilted to the right). He further pointed out there was a figurine on the dashboard that appeared to be Hindu (or perhaps Buddhist) and that the symbol was ancient, used in other societies, religions and cultures as a sign of good luck or divinity. In Sanskrit, the word swastika is a combination of ‘su’ (meaning ‘good’) and ‘asti’ (meaning ‘to exist’). After researching a bit, we’ve found a couple really good articles, one actually being this Quora forum which provides all the information you could want to know about why someone might draw a swastika on their car. And maybe why they shouldn’t do it in such a blatant spot. It’s worth reading all the answers. Then there’s this BBC article about the symbol, some group’s efforts to revitalize the true meaning of the swastika, and why it is highly unlikely anyone is going to be able to get past how any iteration is seen as representing the highly effed-up and hateful ideology of Hitler (and later Charles Manson who carved it on to his own forehead).

Purty painted rocks. Visit OrangeTustinRocks on Instagram for more! Photo courtesy Kristen Core. All rights reserved.

By the end of the day (literally) everything turned out to be an amazing kickoff to a wonderful Mother’s Day (oh yeah, that happened too!)…we got the recording done right the second time around. New things had been learned and shared. We then sat and talked more with Kym’s folks, Kris’ girls painted more rocks. The barbecue was started and really good food was consumed as the sun set, the breeze calmed, and the owls and mockingbirds serenaded little Mooch to sleep (again).

Check out our “Mugly MayAhem” episode on  iTunes/Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Overcast, Libsyn, Pocket Cast, Stitcher or anywhere you listen to podcasts. Then all you need to do is 1) subscribe 2) download and 3) listen! AND!!! 4) If you enjoy what you hear, please leave a rating and a review (pretty please?). The more subscribers and reviews we get, the more opportunities we get to grow this podcast and bring you richer content.

And don’t forget to follow us here at themuglytruth.com (click that blue WordPress Follow button on the right side of your screen) so you get notifications every time we post an episode blog! You can also follow The Mugly Truth on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook.

© The Mugly Truth 2019 and © The Mugly Truth Podcast 2019. All rights reserved.
Intro and outro music, “Clever as a Fox”  by Espresso Music through premiumbeats.com.
Photos courtesy of Kristen Core.
Episodes

Let it Go

themuglytruth
Today’s “Let It Go” episode is on  iTunes/Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Overcast, Libsyn, Pocket Cast, Stitcher or anywhere you listen to podcasts.

We riff off our That’s Purgetastic! episode talking a bit more about shedding material baggage, and then going beyond the physical purge by exploring how to let go of past hurts, unhealthy belief systems, love relationships, and expectations of what we think “should be.”

Kym shares her personal experiences of forgiveness involving her ill father. Kris reveals the painful process of having a parent afflicted with Alzheimer’s as well as how she has navigated the devastation of letting go a significant relationship. It gets a little deep for The Mugly Truth, but that’s ok.

Even though discarding a pair of too-high heels is not the same as letting go the dream of a future with someone, or the pain of a neglected childhood (oooorrrrrr, is it?? Some people are very attached to their shoes coffcoffsexinthecitycoff), the process is actually pretty much the same. It’s about being (sometimes brutally) honest with ourselves and asking how what is being held onto is serving us – is it for good or for bad (because something negative can serve us). Is it something we can let go of now or is it something we are willing to move toward letting go? How long are we willing to traverse the path to freedom? Are we ok with feeling some deep feelings, knowing at the end of the day (or year or five) It’s technically as simple as making a pros and cons list and examining the truth. Except that examining painful truths is not a simple thing. So there’s the element of courage as well. But no pressure.

As a way to help you get started on the “let it go” journey, here’s a link to the Tiny Buddha article called 40 Ways to Leg Go and Feel Less Pain (and be sure to look for that pesky breathing practice Kris couldn’t pronounce: ujayii.)

Check out our “Let It Go” episode on  iTunes/Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Overcast, Libsyn, Pocket Cast, Stitcher or anywhere you listen to podcasts. Then all you need to do is 1) subscribe 2) download and 3) listen! AND!!! 4) If you enjoy what you hear, please leave a rating and a review (pretty please?). The more subscribers and reviews we get, the more opportunities we get to grow this podcast and bring you richer content.

And don’t forget to follow us here at themuglytruth.com (click that blue WordPress Follow button on the right side of your screen) so you get notifications every time we post an episode blog! You can also follow The Mugly Truth on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook.

© The Mugly Truth 2019 and © The Mugly Truth Podcast 2019. All rights reserved.
Intro and outro music, “Clever as a Fox”  by Espresso Music through premiumbeats.com.
Photos courtesy of WordPress free library; butterfly photo by Anthony on Pexels.com
Episodes

Gratitude

themuglytruth

Kym and Kris and Gratitude
Kris and Kym discuss various gratitude practices and all the things they are grateful for, this week of Thanksgiving! Photo by Kimberly Sickel, @riverdeer at 500px

Happy Tuesday and welcome to Gratitude week! Today’s blog post is going to be short and sweet. In this week’s episode Kym and Kris catch up on Kris’ gallbladder surgery (it was moved up a few days and she’s recovering well) and discuss this week’s big holiday in America: Thanksgiving. We avoid the controversial history and focus instead on the  symbolism of Thanksgiving by discussing our personal beliefs about practicing gratitude, and list all the things we are verrrrry grateful for. From our homes to yours, we hope your Thanksgiving goes well and brings immense happiness and joy.

But if you are struggling with this time of year, reach out. There are people who love and care for you and you don’t need to be alone (unless you prefer to be!)

But most of all we want to say we are SO THANKFUL for all our listeners, all our friends and family who have supported us in this podcast adventure and who encourage us to keep talking on. And on and on and on… Thank you all. 

Thank you to all our listeners
Photo by rawpixel.com on Pexels.com

Check out our GRATITUDE episode on  iTunes/Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Overcast, Libsyn, Pocket Casts, Stitcher or anywhere you listen to podcasts. Then all you need to do is 1) subscribe 2) download and 3) listen! AND!!! 4) If you enjoy what you hear, please leave a rating and a review (pretty please?). The more subscribers and reviews we get, the more opportunities we get to grow this podcast and bring you richer content.

And don’t forget to follow us here at themuglytruth.com (click that blue WordPress Follow button on the right side of your screen) so you get notifications every time we post an episode blog! You can also follow The Mugly Truth on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook.

© The Mugly Truth 2018 and © The Mugly Truth Podcast 2018. All rights reserved.
Intro and outro music, “Clever as a Fox”  by Espresso Music through premiumbeats.com
Location photo by Kimberly Sickel, @riverdeer at 500px