Have you ever been so in love you feel like the honeymoon will never end…but then…one day…the façade cracks and the light of reality seeps (or crashes) in and you ask yourself, “who the hell is this person?” and end up berating yourself for ending up with someone who mistreats you?
Today we pick up on a topic touched on in a couple recent episodes (Only Brats and Social Picks): abusive relationships. Yeah, it’s a pretty heavy topic, we know. But – like we do – we talk about what’s important to our hearts and minds but somehow throw in a few zingers which cause us to laugh uproariously. It’s a strange mix of serious and goofy but somehow it all seems to work.
We talk about possessiveness, affairs, estrangement, palming money, wedding music drama, low-flying helicopters, and happily-ever-afters, just to name a few. It’s like a miniature Jerry Springer show right in our recording studio (aka Kris’ living room).
We are joined by Stacy, who talks about how she successfully escaped an emotionally abusive marriage. Stacy is fortunate because her experience didn’t escalate into chronic violence (or worse) like so many stories you hear about on the news. Her story is a platform to highlight the various signs of possible trouble brewing in the early stages of a dangerous relationship. (A list of the signs of abuse is available below).
To hear our Revelationships episode, go to iTunes, Spotify, Overcast, Libsyn or any podcast player you prefer and then subscribe, download and listen! If you enjoy what you hear, go ahead and leave a review! The more subscribers and reviews we get, the more opportunities we get to grow this podcast and bring you richer content.
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So, yeah, it’s mostly fun and games at The Mugly Truth, but rest assured, we take domestic violence VERY SERIOUSLY. Therefore we also cover resources on the internet to check out (with safety measures in place) if you feel you or someone you love may be in an abusive relationship. That said, below is a more detailed list of the resources we talk about in the show.
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE: FINDING HELP
If you or someone you know may be in danger of any form of domestic abuse whether it’s physical, psychological/mental/emotional/gaslighting, financial, stalking, teenage relationships abuse, or elderly abuse, there are plenty of resources on the internet, and many have safety checks in place so that you can escape the website in one click if necessary. Please remember, it is highly unlikely you will be able to entirely hide or clear your browsing history, but you can use an “incognito” option in your browser (how-to here) to help make it more difficult for someone to easily search your history. There are also toll-free numbers to call if you can’t safely search the internet for help.
Although the contacts below are US- and UK-based organizations, please note the DASH (2009) Risk Assessment form discussed below can be used by anyone, anywhere to help determine if there is danger of abuse in a relationship. If you are not in the US or UK, you can visit here for a list of international domestic abuse hotlines as a starting point, or call any of the numbers below and they may be able to get you the information you need for local help. As with EVERYTHING in today’s world, be very careful about where you search, and understand what you are clicking on, or numbers you are calling…be aware of phishing. Since domestic violence naturally indicates vulnerability on the part of the searcher, there are ASSHOLES in the world who will take advantage of that. So be sure whomever you contact is through a verified, safe site. The lists below are sites personally visited by Kris while researching this week’s episode:
In the US
The National Domestic Violence Hotline
You can get anonymous, confidential help 24/7 by calling the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) now. The NDV website has numerous resources for getting help, finding support, and a safety plan for leaving your relationship.
National Coalition Against Domestic Violence
+1 303 839 1852 (Denver, CO)
The NCADV website has resources for getting help, webinars, events, support, and details about types of abuse as well as signs of abuse, which include (copied from the NCADV page):
- Telling the victim that they can never do anything right
- Showing jealousy of the victim’s family and friends and time spent away
- Accusing the victim of cheating
- Keeping or discouraging the victim from seeing friends or family members
- Embarrassing or shaming the victim with put-downs
- Controlling every penny spent in the household
- Taking the victim’s money or refusing to give them money for expenses
- Looking at or acting in ways that scare the person they are abusing
- Controlling who the victim sees, where they go, or what they do
- Dictating how the victim dresses, wears their hair, etc.
- Stalking the victim or monitoring their victim’s every move (in person or also via the internet and/or other devices such as GPS tracking or the victim’s phone)
- Preventing the victim from making their own decisions
- Telling the victim that they are a bad parent or threatening to hurt, kill, or take away their children
- Threatening to hurt or kill the victim’s friends, loved ones, or pets
- Intimidating the victim with guns, knives, or other weapons
- Pressuring the victim to have sex when they don’t want to or to do things sexually they are not comfortable with
- Forcing sex with others
- Refusing to use protection when having sex or sabotaging birth control
- Pressuring or forcing the victim to use drugs or alcohol
- Preventing the victim from working or attending school, harassing the victim at either, keeping their victim up all night so they perform badly at their job or in school
- Destroying the victim’s property
Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network (RAINN) (en Español)
+1 800 656 HOPE (4673)
RAINN is the world’s largest anti sexual violence organization working with thousands of sexual assault service providers and with the DoD Safe Helpline for the Department of Defense. You can type in your zip code right on the first page and find help nearby. You can also download the DoD app under the DoD Safe Helpline. According to their website, “RAINN also carries out programs to prevent sexual violence, help survivors, and ensure that perpetrators are brought to justice.”
In the UK
Paladin National Stalking Advocacy Service
020 3866 4107 info@paladinservice.co.uk
For listeners who have heard Kris talk about the podcast Real Crime Profile, this is the company one of the cohosts, Laura Richards, founded as a way to advocate for the rights of victims of stalking, coercive control and other forms of abuse. She has been a victim’s rights trailblazer, helping to bring about laws in the UK so victims and victim’s families have a voice; she has raised awareness about dangerous behaviors in abusers that manifest long before physical abuse begins but have been too-long dismissed as victim hysteria or over-reactions. A valuable tool she helped develop is a questionnaire called DASH (2009) Risk Assessment (<<links to the Paladin Advice for Professionals section where a Word document download link can be clicked). Although this form is under the “professionals” section, it can be downloaded by anyone, to be used anywhere in helping to recognize signs of abuse.
To hear our Revelationships episode, go to iTunes, Spotify, Overcast, Libsyn or any podcast player you prefer and then subscribe, download and listen! If you enjoy what you hear, go ahead and leave a review! The more subscribers and reviews we get, the more opportunities we get to grow this podcast and bring you richer content.
And don’t forget to follow us here at themuglytruth.com (click that blue WordPress Follow button on the right side of your screen) so you get notifications every time we post an episode blog! You can also follow The Mugly Truth on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook.
© The Mugly Truth 2018 and © The Mugly Truth Podcast 2018. All rights reserved.
Intro and outro music, “Clever as a Fox” by Espresso Music through premiumbeats.com
Location photo by Kimberly Sickel, @riverdeer at 500px
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