Hey here we are…over here. No. Not over there. BACK HERE. **Waving** Oh…wait… (pulls mask down…BOOP!) HERE WE ARE! Hi! WHOA…Stay back! BACK! No hugs. Are you a covidiot? We love you, but from a distance mate. We’ll stay over here, you stay over there, and once we’re done with our essential errands (you got any tp? no? ok…) we’re going back home. Where everyone who isn’t saving people, providing food, gas, or medicinal (and apparently construction) services belong. (Someone coughs in the distance) EVERYBODY DOWN!!!!!! Sorry. Sorry. Everyone ok? Sorry ’bout that. We’re just a little skittish. This is our first time out in…um…what day is it? Sigh.
Isn’t that how it feels? Welcome to what we thought was just some distant, dystopian future in a sci-fi novel. In less than a week the world flipped upside down and now many people are self-sheltering to “flatten the curve”…many have lost jobs and the V Who Must Not Be Named statistics seem to have grown exponentially overnight. Oh, and you know what else is on the horizon with all this staying at home stuff? A baby boom! Yeah, come December, we’re gonna see the first results of some spectacular self-sheltering, because last we looked condoms were NOT flying off the shelves like Clorox wipes. We officially vote AYE for this next generation to be called Coronials. And come 2033 these Coronials will be Quaranteens, wreaking havoc on their poor parents like the virus they’re named after. Ok. Maybe not THAT bad. But honestly anyone who thinks that’s harsh hasn’t lived with a teenager.
Then there’s the naysayers, the hoaxers, conspiracy theorists, and the just plain stupidiotic who go around licking toilet seats on airplanes (really, it happened, we saw the video and NO WE’RE NOT LINKING TO THAT CRAP). Yep, the world is getting a ginormous 20-something middle finger to the “biggest government overreaction in the history of everything.” Let’s face it, some of our older generation isn’t being that helpful either. What is it with you people?!? If you’re not blaming each other for the world’s problems, you’re legit behaving JUST LIKE EACH OTHER! “PSHT, there’s no virus!” “PSHT it’s a government agenda!” “PSHT! It’s just a cold!” “PSHT! I’m not gonna catch it and if I do who cares!” “PSHT can’t make me stay home I have APPOINTMENTS.” Look. Us GenXers just want you all to f**cking go home and chill out. IT’S! NOT! THAT! HARD! But seriously, if we have to rely on the Kardashians and other social influencers to be the voice of sanity, we’re in trouble. And let’s not forget Florida. Now, we understand all those morons traveled to you, Florida, for spring break from all us other schmucky states, but you let them in. Go to your room – like the rest of us – and think about what you’ve done.
Really, we’re wondering what this world is coming to. Who knew that our mental and physical health check-ins would include saying things like, “My anxiety level increases when I see the grocery store doesn’t have toilet paper or hand sanitizer…again.”
Many are adjusting to working from home for the first time ever, many businesses are shuttering temporarily (or permanently), the U.S. government can’t get their collective brain cells in one spot long enough to pass a stimulus package to save their or our lives, and many (like Kris) are finding the transition of saving the world by sitting on the couch binge-watching Netflix and Amazon Prime fairly normal behavior.
And while we wait for the paper goods manufacturers to gather up the next big wave of shipments, we’re praying that the hoarders finally have enough paper goods and water to get through the next two decades apparently, so the rest of us can catch a freaking break.
But enough of that. We all know how ridiculous some people have become in this unprecedented time. Let’s focus on the good. China has reported it’s first no-new-virus days since the first outbreak occurred. We’re hearing reports that our lovely planet is healing because millions of us ARE stay inside, not traveling, and not driving around like the unwoke nutjobs that we’ve been. Apparently the canals in Venice are CLEAR for the first time in about 60 years. People are dropping the political vitriol (sort of) and playing fun games on Facebook – it’s kind of like 2009 again – and families are actually spending more time together. Some more successfully than others (we’re just saying that’s a statistically probable statement.) But mostly we see people combating the crazy and frightening with fun and humor. While eating tons of pasta.
So today we brought a little levity to the Covid-catch-up. And we do so whilst being responsible Americans, socially distancing even from each other. Kym called in and Kris recorded it with the mic Kym would have used. Not a perfect set up by any means, we know, so the sound quality will be, ah…interesting. Just pretend Kris is some news lady interviewing some famous person calling in to the show. Ok? Ok. We also talk about some upcoming International Days you can celebrate whilst vacationing in the South of Living Room, or the Coast of Kitchen, or that sleepy little town of Bedroom.
For links about the days we talk about check out the United Nations website here and kalender-365 here. And apparently there are even more days we didn’t know about here.
For the video that simulates the effects of how viruses spread, please go to this Washington Post article with the four phases of quarantining – free-for-all, quarantining sick only, moderate social distancing and extensive social-distancing (self-sheltering) – scroll down to about the middle of the article to see the simulators.
But the true hero of the episode is Kym’s Stay Home Playlist. HIT IT LIL KYM:
- Kick Out the Epic Motherf**ker by Dada Life
- I Won’t Back Down by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
- The Climb by Miley Cyrus
- Time Bomb by Rancid
- Wrecking Ball by Miley Cyrus
- Work From Home by Fifth Harmony feat. Ty Dolla $ign
- Don’t Stand So Close to Me by The Police
- It’s the End of the World as We Know It by R.E.M.
- The Champion by Ludacris
- Glorious by Skylar Grey
- Time of Our Lives by Pitbull and Ne-Yo
- Til I Collapse by Eminem feat. Nate Dogg
- Fighter by Christina Aguilera
- Warriors by Imagine Dragons
- Girl on Fire by Alicia Keyes
- Let’s Go Crazy by Prince and the Revolution
- Down With the Sickness by Disturbed
- Rise by Katy Perry
- I Don’t Wanna Be an A**hole Anymore by The Menzingers
- Highway to Hell by AC/DC
- Welcome to the Jungle by Guns ‘n’ Roses
- Ghost Town by The Specials
- The Gambler by Kenny Rogers
- Only Human by The Jonas Brothers
And Kris added:
- Don’t Fear the Reaper by Blue Oyster Cult
- Dead Man’s Party by Oingo Boingo
Because apparently she is a morbid motherf….
So that’s it! We’ll be back next week with an all new show, because we are dedicated to bringing you our opinions and quirky sense of humor to try to help entertain you even if it’s for just a moment.
Oh, and we’re sorry (kind of, but not, but kind of?) for the C word (the OTHER C word…) but – in our defense – we were just quoting Better Things. THEY SAID IT FIRST!!!! IT’S THEIR FAULT. But in all honesty, haven’t we all had this fight to some degree or another with our mom/daughter? No? Just us? Okaaaaaay. (To be clear we have not ever called our kids the C word but not gonna say we haven’t entertained the thought once or twice. Teenagers/20-somethings, amirite?)
Check out The Mugly Truth Podcast’s episode “The Coronials Are Coming!” on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Overcast, Libsyn, Pocket Cast, Stitcher, iHeartRadio, or anywhere you listen to podcasts. Then all you need to do is 1) subscribe 2) download and 3) listen! AND!!! 4) If you enjoy what you hear, please leave a rating and a review (pretty please?). The more subscribers and reviews we get, the more opportunities we get to grow this podcast and bring you richer content.
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© The Mugly Truth 2020 and © The Mugly Truth Podcast 2020. All rights reserved.
Intro and outro music, “Clever as a Fox” by Espresso Music through premiumbeats.com.
Featured photo of Masked Rider by Anna Shvets on Pexels.com