Remember that one morning long ago (or maybe it was a month ago yesterday) you woke up KNOWING you were getting the best gift ever? The one you told everyone what you wanted (You covered all the bases man. We know. We applaud your exhaustive efforts. Especially the good old fashioned sticky notes on all the mirrors. Well done). You waited for what seemed forever, then the day finally came and you just knew as you pulled ribbon and ripped paper you were mere seconds away from The. Most. Epic. Present. IN. THE. WOOOOOORLD!!!!! (WORLD WORLD WORLD WORLD WORLD)…
(The stadium roars with approval).
…which actually turned out to be a box of commemorative carved toothpicks of all 50 states from Odd Uncle Vern? Remember? Mm-hmm.
We know your pain. We too have some Odd Uncle Vern memories.
Those toothpicks are in a junk drawer somewhere to this day, we’re pretty sure. Except for North Dakota. That one disappeared years ago. Shame, really, to have an incomplete set.
Sometimes intentions are good but the disconnect with reality is a wee bit off. (Wood block puzzle for 13 year old Dax? Aunt Pru, we need to talk.) Maybe appropriate isn’t a word in your Cousin Dave’s vocabulary. Maybe – just maybe – gag gifts are the nectar of life to your sister Sarah. To be fair, not all “worst gifts” are actually that horrible. Perhaps it’s just bad timing, or current lack of usefulness, or it could be that it’s just so bad it’s inadvertently the most hilarious present you’ve ever received.
Yes, it was awkward but most likely that gift was given with love. Eventually what seemed blisteringly awful so long ago becomes a moment we recall with new perspective, filtered by years of experience and wisdom, revealing the true meaning of such exchanges. Hopefully, the true meaning is a poignant one.
Orrrrrr, maybe it happened two years ago when that asshole Erwin in sales drew your name for Secret Santa, KNEW you hate Pumpkin Spice Lattes (who are you? You are dead to us. *folding arms, looking away*) and bought you two bags of seasonal PS beans from Starbucks. Oooooooh, such passive aggressiveness can shred festive spirit like so many cats on toilet paper!! (Cat owners: You know.)
So, how did you handle your worst gift? Laugh? Cry? Manage a polite thanks? Pout? Stomp around? Throw it across the room? Chuck it at Erwin’s head? Fill Erwin’s desk drawer with ground coffee beans? Pour burnt coffee on Erwin’s keyboard and stuff the empty coffee bag into Erwin’s car exhau…aahhahahahammm.
Staring. Blinking. Staring again.
Did you exchange? Regift? Did you do what Kris does and make it your newest closet rock? She’s got a wall of those things in the back of her closet. A fortress of awkward, if you will.
Never fear. Before the pain (or tears of wheezy laughter) overcome you, Kym shares another childhood stunt that makes all the other stories pale in comparison, with a cameo by “Captain Looseass” Grandpa himself. Kris never met Kym’s grandparents but wishes she did. And don’t worry, we’re sure Kym has more stories up her sleeve so really you just need to keep tuning in every week.
Oh, and if you’re wondering what Kris’ plushy Wookie – which she got from her most awesome friend at work – looks like, well, here you go:
Check out our WORST GIFT EVER? episode on iTunes/Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Overcast, Libsyn, Pocket Cast, Stitcher or anywhere you listen to podcasts. Then all you need to do is 1) subscribe 2) download and 3) listen! AND!!! 4) If you enjoy what you hear, please leave a rating and a review (pretty please?). The more subscribers and reviews we get, the more opportunities we get to grow this podcast and bring you richer content.
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© The Mugly Truth 2018 and © The Mugly Truth Podcast 2018. All rights reserved.
Intro and outro music, “Clever as a Fox” by Espresso Music through premiumbeats.com
Location photo by Kimberly Sickel, @riverdeer at 500px